I Laughed Out Loud

Just finished watching “Love Story” for the first time since I was thirteen.

When I was thirteen, it’s not that I didn’t have taste…well, no, that’s not true. But I at least already suspected this was so, and I remember being torn over the fact I liked “Love Story”. I remember, just a mere thirty minutes after seeing the film, my face by now dried of tears, getting home and walking into the dining room, and as I faced my mother’s parlor grand piano, in the dull yellow light of that suburban dining room, standing between the faux walnut Formica dining table and the piano, gazing at the piano, a deep suspicion rose that, not only had I betrayed years of training in classical music by loving the musical score of “Love Story” but that there were many good reasons why I should not have liked the movie. And I was determined that very, very soon I should really really understand why.

I remember being puzzled, even then, over how weirdly squeaky clean it was. Even bland in its devotion to middle class reluctance to face anything remotely real world. I remember feeling cheated by this, that it didn’t even give a nod to the Vietnam War, to the struggle for Civil Rights, to hippies, to ANYTHING. And Ali McGraw didn’t dress like any college student I’d ever seen.

Since I was about fourteen I have really really understood how “Love Story” is a bad movie, but I never tested this understanding with a second viewing. For all I knew, despite it being a bad movie, I might choke up anyway and break down in tears.

Tonight, I watched the movie for the first time since I was thirteen.

As Ali and Ryan cavorted in the snow (there is much cavorting in the snow) I mused that Snow should have been given credit in a supporting role.

When Ryan said to Ray Milland, “Father, you don’t know the time of day!” I thought Ray Milland’s expression appropriately displayed confusion over what exactly that is supposed to mean.

When Ali saw the apartment in which they would be living while the disinherited Ryan went through law school, and she said that she hadn’t realized it would be THAT bad, I thought, “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? THAT’S A GREAT PLACE!”

When the disinherited Ryan tried to get a scholarship to go to school and spoke of himself as being impoverished, I yawned.

As the disinherited Ryan struggled through law school, selling Christmas trees, disappointed by quarter tips, and Ali struggled to support him with a $3000 a year teaching gig, and they still drove around in the antique convertible Bentley (or whatever it was) and they managed to dress straight out of the pages of 70s Vogue throughout, I didn’t laugh, I just thought, “Oh, seriously,” and, “She had great legs. That’s what made this movie so popular. Those legs in those black stockings going up and down all those steps over and over again.”

When Ali said to Ryan, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry,” I thought even Ali didn’t look quite convinced.

The doctor told Ryan that Ali was dying and I was dry-eyed.

Then, as Ali in her white coat and ostentatious fur hat stumbled through the snow, supported by Ryan O’Neal, after asking if they had enough money for a taxi and he said yes, where did she want to go, and she replied, “To the hospital”, after her having watched him do his hockey weaves and bobs on the ice one last time, I laughed out loud. They kept walking on through the snow and I kept laughing at them and the hat. That hat.

There were tears in my eyes, but they were because I was laughing at the hat.

Then came the scenes with Ali in the hospital, straight out of day time soap operas.

Worse than bad.

It was all so soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo worse than just plain bad.

Yes, I know a lot of money was made on that movie and all involved would feel no regrets because a lot of money was made on it. Still, if I had been the director, the rest of my life I would have spent hiding in the shadows from that scene of Ali in THAT BIG FUZZY CREATURE OF A FUR HAT supported by Ryan as they walk through the snow to the taxi and she jokingly (I think) asking if they have enough money for a taxi, now that they have some lawyer money after years of supposed student poverty, DURING WHICH THEY DROVE AROUND IN A BENTLEY! Or, I think it was a Bentley.

And if Ali had been asking, in all seriousness, if they had the money for a taxi?

Rerun.

Ali (in pristine white innocent white expensive white clothes and big huge fur hat): “Do we have enough money for a taxi?”

There, instant depth to the film. Had she been serious.

Surely, Arthur Hiller is haunted by that hat.

P.S. C’mon. What’s your gut emotional reaction to a man whining about needing a scholarship, driving around in a big old antique convertible Bentley, and selling Christmas trees for cash? Wasn’t this released as a comedy and somehow America got it all wrong and thought it was tragedy and cried? What does it say about us as a people that hordes of Americans sobbed piteously instead of getting the joke?


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8 responses to “I Laughed Out Loud”

  1. nina Avatar
    nina

    How interesting! I watched Love Story when I was 13. I went because it seemed like everyone at school kept telling me what a great movie it was and how I would love it. So I went. And remember being unmoved by it, thought it was silly. Which is not at all to suggest that there was anything wrong with you for feeling as you did when you were 13. I think I may have been particularly hardened to wanting to feel anything about what was alleged to be romance. I remember my mother, who at that point had worked around a lot of cancer patients, said that the scene where she is in the hospital seemed particularly unrealistic. My cynicism may well have been in part from my mother’s opinions. I probably didn’t dare think there was anything moving about it or I’d have been exposed as a doofus.

    On the other hand, I remember seeing Zefferelli’s (spelling?) Romeo and Juliet at about the same age and crying at the end of that. And then feeling angry with myself, feeling stupid for my display of emotion, and feeling a little angry with the movie, too, for eliciting those feelings from me.

  2. Idyllopus Avatar

    Do tell, the scenes in the hospital were unrealistic?

    Insane is what they were.

    I never got around to seeing Zefferelli’s “Romeo and Juliette”. I think it came out when I was around 11 and as it had nudity I was too young to see it (you must have gone with an adult?) then when I was older I was uninterested.

    I think the reason “Love Story” elicited tears was because I would never have Ali McGraw’s long long long legs and when I was thirteen I still believed enough in “Seventeen” magazine to know that long long legs and long sleek brown hair marked the difference being playing in the snow and simply getting wet and freezing your toes and fingers off, and cavorting as a young goddess whose every single moment was worthy of a memorial star in the heavens. Last night, when I watched Ali walk up the law school steps and plunk herself down and take out a jar of peanut butter and make a sandwich, there on the steps, for her studious husband (who was neglecting her long legs for his book) I thought, “Oh, how ridiculous”, but when I was thirteen, I instead thought, “I will never walk up a long flight of stairs in the cold, in black stockings, and sit down and take out a jar of peanut butter and very originally make a sandwich then and there, because I don’t have those long long long legs and sleek long dark hair. BOO HOO!!!!! Or, rather, I could climb up flights of stairs all my life to make thousands of peanut butter sandwiches, and those ascents and the peanut butter will never be anything but stairs and peanut butter because I don’t have long long long long legs. BOO HOO!”

    Well, I wasn’t so simple as that, but I wasn’t far from it at times…

  3. nina Avatar
    nina

    Oh, too funny, what you wrote about feeling sad about not having long long long legs. It isn’t that specifically that I felt, wanting long legs, but I did have some notion of wanting whatever the perfect body and/or face seemed to be. I can’t remember feeling that way so much about actors/actresses as that there were peers that I thought were beautiful and I wished I would be like them–Jane Bronson, Cassandra Thompson, for instance. Cassandra was an adopted child. Her parents were your basic wasps but Cassandra was this exotic beauty with brown skin and fine dark brown hair and slender and flawless looking. When I think about it now I wonder what ethnic mix she was. It was definitely something exotic. And also when I think of it now I think how odd that her WASP parents, who were pretty traditional Methodists, had adopted this exotic brown beauty so unlike them. They had also adopted a boy, Sammy, who was so much the epitome of the All-American boy that the two of them seemed like quite the contrast. Anyway, Jane and Cassandra seemed perfect. And there were others. I can remember thinking that Pam, from Augusta, whom you and I have mentioned before, I thought she had the perfect body. Also a girl named Jane Prucha, and another, Helen Chytil that seemed flawless, though her sister told her that her legs were like tree stumps. I can remember another girl with full lips, named Laura, from Nashville, that I thought beautiful, the way she would sit with lips parted. And when I think of her now, I think as I look at her in my memory that she just seemed to be staring vacantly, jaw agape. Why did I think that was beautiful!!! But then I remember seeing a girl when I was 11 who was squinting at things she looked at and I thought that was really cool, the way she squinted, so I started doing it, too. And now I suspect she just needed glasses! Why did that look cool to me?! Oh my, the memories you have stirred up. And it makes me laugh to think of it. I remember finally reaching a point in my life where I stopped thinking I would ever be beautiful or have the kinds of perfect bodies I saw on others, that I could lose weight until I was a mere nub but it would not change some things about my bone structure that can’t be changed so I’d never have those gorgeous legs or perfect hips that I thought would be best to have. I do sometimes still wish, but at least now I don’t feel so ashamed and inferior about my body.

  4. nina Avatar
    nina

    oh yeah. I remember seeing Zeferrelli’s Romeo and Juliet with my then best friend Celeste. I feel reasonably certain we were alone, just the two of us, which I think was part of the reason I felt embarrassed about crying at the end. I wonder how we got permission to go see that film if it had nudity (which oddly I don’t recall).

    Anyway, about crying at movies…okay, I admit it, I cried at ET when I thought he was dead. And I KNEW even as the tears were wrung from my eyes that I was being manipulated into it and I was helpless to stop it. And I could have lived with that if Nabb (remember him) hadn’t felt the need to make fun of me for it. And it is this being made fun of for crying that is why I’ve always been very private about my tears, if at all possible.

  5. Idyllopus Avatar

    Oh, I don’t mind sobbing over movies and believe me I’ve cried buckets over my share and never cared who saw, but there are certainly some where I don’t mind crying and then others where I resent it, and Spielberg always makes me feel manipulated and I resent it if he draws a tear.

    I’m trying to remember the last time I cried during a movie and I can’t right now.

    Oh, yes. I cried at one point when watching “A Scanner Darkly” which really caught me by surprise. My first watching of it, there was a point towards the end where I cried. And I didn’t feel manipulated at all. Was one of the better joining of narrative and images building an idea in a movie that is like a road you’re riding down and then suddenly in front of you is the Grand Canyon and you knew it was coming but…you’ve been told about it and read about it and seen pictures but here you are in the passenger’s seat and someone else is driving you, hoping to show you what they saw, and it works. This time it works. And it’s a surprise to FEEL what that person is communicating, and not have it just a spasm of feeling or an intellectual flash but a thoughtful well-considered emotional and mindful process. To feel it and at the same time not be emotionally overwhelmed, you know just how you got there. They are sharing. They are not standing to the side plotting how to make you cry, how to make you feel. They are sharing, sharing how they got there themselves and they do it so well that suddenly you’re there, on their street, and you know exactly how it is.

  6. Idyllopus Avatar

    Pam certainly had something almost Bardotesque about her that gave her the air of having the perfect body, like it all fit together just right in a feminine way that needed no bangles or bling augmenting. She had a nonchalant, unselfconscious way of carrying her giftedness that made one look and think, “How does that happen? I don’t have that. I’m a woman and I should have that too, shouldn’t I?” because it was so close to a cultural ideal or else we both wouldn’t have recognized she carried a thing apart proportionally. A cultural ideal and yet she was the exception rather than the rule. Which is weird in itself, that a cultural ideal would be manifested in an exception rather than the rule.

    We were sixteen/seventeen and I remember she was a year younger than us, which added a kind of insult to injury with the realization she gave me that yes some women are actually naturally built JUST SO, that it’s not a mirage or tricks and mirrors.

  7. Hop Avatar
    Hop

    ha ha thats funny 😀

  8. Idyllopus Avatar

    Ha ha, H.o.p., you made ME laugh out loud at this because I know you didn’t even read the post!

    And suddenly a great light shines on the internet and I understand…I understand…

    Seriously though, I really am going to enjoy it when you start using your new typing skills (congrats) to write up some of your thoughts in my comments. 🙂

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