A cultural-you’re-tagged thing (though I wasn’t tagged) since I’m not posting much

What kind of soap is in your bathtub right now?
None. Our bathtub is an ancient porcelain over steel, freestanding, and doesn’t have a soap dish.

Do you have any watermelon in your refrigerator?
Watermelon in December? Got a pomegranate.

What would you change about your living room?
Hang over the window the curtains we picked up last week. Hang more paintings. Replace the futons with sofas with armrests or get armrest futons.

Are the dishes in your dishwasher clean or dirty?
Have never had a dishwasher.

What is in your fridge?
Oh, c’mon! Like I’m going to check that out and write it all down. What we have most of is milk (organic, H.o.p. drinks lots of it) and yogurt and Kefir and jello (H.o.p. likes) and take-out Chinese.

White or wheat bread?
Sliced wheat bread and white raisin Challah.

What is on top of your refrigerator?
Cashews, graham crackers, Ramen, oatmeal, gum.

What color or design is on your shower curtain?

How many plants are in your home?
They’re almost all in the front room where there’s light and I’m not going to go count them. Mostly cactus and some good luck bamboo.

Is your bed made right now?

Comet or Soft Scrub?

Is your closet organized?
We don’t have a clothes closet, so no.

Can you describe your flashlight?

Do you drink out of glass or plastic most of the time at home?
Plastic. Drank out of glass until one busted in our old porcelain over steel sink and cut Marty’s hand wide open requiring numerous stitches. Not good for a keyboard player. We tossed all the glass and replaced with plastic.

Do you have iced tea made in a pitcher right now?

If you have a garage, is it cluttered?
Apartment. No garage. The street is packed with cars.

Curtains or blinds?
Venetian and pull and accordion blinds. Sometimes all three on one window! Will have a curtain when we get the time to put up one in the living room.

How many pillows do you sleep with?
Kind of embarrassed to tell you just how many pillows we sleep with.

Do you sleep with any lights on at night?

How often do you vacuum?
Once or twice a week.

Standard toothbrush or electric?

What color is your toothbrush?
Blue, because that’s what they had.

Do you have a welcome mat on your front porch?
We don’t have a front porch. We have an apartment hallway and yes there’s a cheap welcome mat.

What is in your oven right now?
The racks.

Is there anything under your bed?
Stacks of H.o.p.’s drawings and shoes.

Chore you hate doing the most?
Changing the beds.

What retro items are in your home?
Nothing retro. All the old stuff is old stuff.

Do you have a separate room that you use as an office?

How many mirrors are in your home?

What color are your walls?
Apartment antique white (which is convenient because I can touch it up and it always matches), except the kitchen and bathroom which are an ugly mustard mud color that the landlord somehow got for free.

Do you keep any kind of protection weapons in your home?

What does your home smell like right now?
Our old radiant heaters. They give off a peculiar musty kind of smell when warmed up.

Favorite candle scent?
Don’t use scented candles.

What kind of pickles (if any) are in your refrigerator right now?
None! Because I’ve not been able to find the Polski Wyrobs that I like.

What color is your favorite Bible?

Ever been on your roof?
There is no access to the apartment building’s roof.

Do you own a stereo?

How many TVs do you have?
Two! And yet, do you know, we have never in our three decades of marriage ever purchased a television? This means that for quite long periods we’ve had televisions that don’t exactly work, but right now we have two televisions that work great and since we now have Direct TV we now spend a few hours a week watching movies and Doctor Who. Last night I watched “Juliet of the Spirits” again, one of my favorite movies. Earlier this week I watched “The Hustler”. I enjoyed it immensely.

How many house phones?
One. We never use it though. People call and leave messages and we don’t even bother with listening to the answering machine because we figure that anyone who really wants to reach us will call us on the cells.

Do you have a housekeeper?
Huh????? Me.

What style do you decorate in?
Eclectic road kill supplemented now with the cheapest offerings from IKEA (i.e., bookcases).

Do you like solid colors in furniture or prints?
I paint most of our road kill furniture in bright colors with crazy designs.

Is there a smoke detector in your home?

In case of fire, what are the items in your house which you’d grab if you only could make one quick trip?
Don’t ask me to think about that. We had an arsonist hit our building a couple years ago and if I thought about this I’d feel compelled to walk around the rest of the day with my fingers crossed for good luck.

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Juli Kearns

Juli Kearns is the author of Thunderbird and the Ball of Twine and Unending Wonders of a Subatomic World (or) In Search of the Great Penguin. She is also an artist/photographer, and the person behind the web alter of "Idyllopus Press".

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